This just in: Oil drilling is good for the oceans, says US Minerals Management Service

Everybody likes a win-win story, and thanks to our far-sighted and thoughtful government-industry partnerships, those stories are coming to life every single day. Even in our oceans, which those scoldy government-funded (i.e., socialist) scientists have said will be essentially devoid of life in less than fifty years.

Be of good cheer, because the Minerals Management Service has just discovered that oil platforms provide valuable marine habitat. And with just a little bit of that "We can do it" attitude America is so well known for, someday there will be enough oil platforms to make up for the worldwide loss of corals from global warming.

Those geniuses over at MMS also had this to say:

The scientists reported, among other findings, that the diversity of fish species generally decreases with depth. At the shallower water wrecks, where corals were growing, reef fishes were present. At the deepest water wrecks, no corals were found, nor were community structure and fish density significantly different over the wrecks as opposed to away from them. Therefore, scientists conclude that, in the deepest water, the upper levels of offshore platforms will attract considerable marine life, but the platforms are not likely to attract fish at their deepest levels.

Note that the study only looked at shipwrecks, not oil platforms, but when is the MMS going to let a thing like that get in the way of good news for oil drilling? Anyway, the more you make oil platforms look like a shipwreck, and the longer you leave them there, the better off the oceans will be.

Now go do your part for the oceans and drive somewhere.

--Zadig